Olivier Napa Valley's Kalamata Olive Mustard

Like olives?  Like a good mustard?  Then this here comes highly recommended by yours truly.  Available in your local Williams Sonoma.

Which Hole?

I read an interesting article in Health Magazine's July/August 2008 issue today on the uptown 6 today.  Here's a portion of the article that I'd like to share:

MOST EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS

Q: Will yogurt cure a yeast infection if I put it "inside"?

A: While yeast is naturally present in your vagina (in the form of the fungus Canida Albians), an overgrowth of it is a problem and needs to be treated...There's no solid evidence that eating yogurt can prevent yeast infections.  However, if you need temporary relief from itching and irritation while you're waiting for an infection to be diagnosed or for the meds to take effect, it can't hurt to try a little of the plain variety; just dab it on a tampon to insert.

All questions in this section are presumably posed by a reader who contacts Health Magazine seeking an informed and professional answer.  It's an innocent question, although I don't understand what moron would even think to put anything inside her that's not say, oh, a penis, or a diaphragm, or a tampon.  But I accept that some people lack common sense and this is a perfect forum upon which women should feel comfortable to pose even the most shocking queries.  Orange you glad the feminist revolution happened?

According to the article, the answers are provided by Roshini Rajapaksa, MD, an assistant professor of medicine at NYU Medical Center.  What the feck, doc?  Why would you instruct readers to stick yogurt up that hole?  Yogurt is designed to enter a woman's body via the other popular hole called THE MOUTH.  I would think the sugars and other ingredients in yogurt could really funk up a woman down there.  Right?  Or am I crazy?

Chilmark Pottery

You either need to go to Martha's Vineyard and visit the studio yourself or have a very decent friend who will give beautiful one-of-a-kind handmade pottery pieces after not having seen you in over a year.  We've already enjoyed several delicious steaming bowls of Korean chicken soup in these.  There was a lot of crisp kimchi and cool green scallions involved.

More Than Halfway Through Twenty-Eight Years

Look what I stumbled upon:

Late evening.  December 13, 2007.  I was unemployed, there was a steady heavy rain that night, and we had pizza and cake at my request.  It's a wonder how anyone could mistake me for a high maintenance person.

Jo Malone Visits

Look at him...just sitting there all dapper in his pretty little bow tie looking all regal and stuff.  It was only a matter of time before you came back into stock, I kept telling myself.  I'm not gonna lie: waiting was hard and there were moments of weakness when I nearly settled for a certain other candle (out of respect for you, both scent and brand shall remain nameless), but now that you've arrived I'm feeling much more relaxed about our pending relationship...

Baby!

Sad that I haven't met her yet, mainly because I know that she's growing by the minute, but it'll be that much more rad when I do make her acquaintance.  Ah, the miracle of life.  'Tis beautiful.

Sweet, Sweet Corn Bread

Whose idea was it to serve corn bread with a proper main entree? Was it someone from the South? I ask because it seems a bit ass backwards, really. Corn bread is so sweet that it should be dessert. I polished off an entire box of Trader Joe's corn bread mix this week. In the office, I had some with my morning coffee (yeah, I started using again) and back at home in the evening, I had some with a dollop of homemade (not in my home, but somebody else's in the midwest somewhere and I received a jar as part of a gift) raspberry jam.  Try it some time and let me know how it works out for you.

Love-Mobile?

This van magically appeared on the corner of Prince Street yesterday. Every time we got up to retrieve a printout from the networked color printer, there it was, sitting in all its regal, splendid, tacky, Crayola-gone-hideously-wrong mess. And in the background what do I hear? In the background is a kind-hearted, but, as so many young folks are, oh-so-disgustingly immature, soul who has been endlessly admiring and drooling over this parked atrocity all freaking day. (I saw him physically swoon over this vehicle.)  When he realized that the owner (no doubt a Bohemian dreadlock-wearing generation-Woodstock has-been) would probably finish his business in SoHo and drive away in his dream ride, he was devastated to find that a real camera was nowhere to be found.  Oh, how it meant so much to him to keep the image alive forever.

Much to our surprise, the van remained sitting in the very same spot in front of l'Occitane this morning. Today, I did have my camera with me so when I went out for a short stroll during my afternoon break, I whipped out the digi and snapped a few pics of what I heard someone verbally deem as "a work of art on wheels." From across the street staring down at the hunk of metal on wheels from a second floor loft, it looked like trash to me. But up close standing only a few yards away, I was impressed by the intricate paint work and the vibrant colors covering the facade of the truck.  This was no joke; truly, an inspired painting.  In my earnest attempt to deconstruct the story behind the vivid drawings, I lowered my camera and let my eyes slowly scan the metal side of the automobile - and bam. Do you SEE the boobies?  Do you see them?  They're like RIGHT THERE.  Those boobies startled me.  I wasn't expecting a naked girl splashed across the side of a Chevy van.  Were you?  As I walked away, I thought, well, that was mighty embarrassing, but at least I wasn't the only one taking pictures...and the boobies explain the matching velvet cushions lining the dashboard.  

I'm 'A Get My Ass Fired

Well, not really. I know that I'm one overly competent fool so I have nothing to worry about. That'll be a very bad day in history if a company actually let me go. Then I'd need to line up bi-weekly sessions with a reputable psychologist to figure out what the hell prompted that mess of behavior. But where was I going with this? Oh, yeah.

We all have our off moments in our professional lives. Today, when I (and a peer) called into a conference call 23 minutes after it was initiated, it was pwitty embawwassing, folks. Pretty embarrassing. It's not just one person who knows you messed up, but all five, six, or seven people on the other ends of the dratted phone line. What is one to do in such a situation? Apologize and move on, that's what. And that's what I did. But I didn't escape without a scolding from the boss man. I deserved it. And, in the spirit of jovial teasing, he will never let me forget this oversight.

I'm looking on the bright side: at least I was just a participant on the call and not a presenter. Then I really would have looked like an ass.